Monthly Monster
by MelancholyofAngel
Summary: The women of Fairy Tail are the scariest in Fiore. Definitely.


The women of Fairy Tail were beautiful. The women of Fairy Tail were intelligent. The women of Fairy Tail were charming. _The women of Fairy Tail scared to shit out of everyone._

The men of Fairy Tail? They cowered in the corner of the guild, hiding in the shadows of the horrible creatures that called themselves 'women'. Half of the male population in Fairy Tail had already succumbed to the horrors of females, whereas the other half had stubbornly, idiotically refused to accept it. The latter received multiple screeches and terrifying glares from the girls, but kept their ground in foolish determination.

That all changed on that one terrible, terrible day.

You see, there comes a time in the life of a girl when she 'becomes a woman'. This occurs every month, and it's the bane of every man's existence. And it just so happened that about three quarters of Fairy Tail's women suffered from this on the. _Exact. Same. Day._

Oh joy.

"What did you do to Bunny Girl this time, Salamander?"

Gajeel crossed his arms and glowered down at the pink haired boy who was hiding behind a chair (which obviously wasn't a very good hiding spot). It was still quite early in the morning, so most of the other guild members weren't present yet. Gajeel had been happily taking a snooze in the corner of the room when an obnoxious scarf-wearing boy had dashed in looking as if he'd seen a zombie apocalypse. Natsu stared at the iron dragon slayer with anxious dark eyes, successfully creeping him out.

"I didn't do anything!" He protested, flapping his arms in frustration.

His dark haired companion raised an eyebrow skeptically. He had been a part of Fairy Tail long enough to know that ninety nine percent of all troubles in the guild were caused by Natsu.

"Okay, okay…. I kinda read her diary—"He began, and Gajeel facepalmed in exasperation. When will this boy ever learn? "—Let me finish!—But I already knew she liked me, so what's the big deal?"

"You're such an idiot. Don't you understand the way a girl's brain works?" Gajeel sighed in annoyance.

"Who does?" Natsu responded, straightening up slightly. He did have a point. A female's mind was a labyrinth of unforeseen horrors. "Anyway, what should I do? I have to hide! She'll be here any minute!"

"What's so scary about Bunny Girl anyway?" As far he knew, the blonde celestial mage couldn't even scare a fly.

"You don't understand! Today—"The fire dragon slayer cried, but he was cut off by his companion.

"Well flame-brain, first you should—"Gajeel started, but he never got to finish.

The guild doors burst open with a loud _BANG! _And in came a very angry, very scary blonde with a mind for murder. Her glare was one that could match Erza's or even Mirajane's. Suddenly, Gajeel knew why Natsu was so scared.

"Holy shit!" Natsu cursed, and frantically cowered behind Gajeel who was frozen stiff.

Lucy's eyes swept across the guild, and eventually came to the pair of dragon slayers. They swore they saw a stream of smoke coming out of her ears, as her nose flared and she began stomping towards them. The pink-head clung to his companion for dear life, but Gajeel anxiously kicked him away. There was no way that the idiot Salamander was getting him involved.

The entire guild of Fairy Tail was silent (for once), as the few members present watched Lucy storm towards her partner.

"Natsu, you're a dead man," Max muttered from his seat across the room. "You should know by now not to mess with Lucy when she's PMSing…."

"_Natsu Dragneel!"_

The men of Fairy Tail all prayed for their fallen comrade, who was being dragged away by the ear by his angry partner. They'd have to hold a nice funeral for him.

"It's all a conspiracy! I swear it!" Natsu screamed, flailing his limbs around in a wild, foolish attempt to escape her iron grip.

"Poor, poor Natsu," Jet and Droy clucked, shaking their heads in disappointment and despair.

"Gajeel! Tell my wife I love her!" The boy screeched, gripping the door frame as Lucy pried his fingers off of the wood.

"You don't have a wife!" Gajeel yelled back, unsure of whether he or not he should help and risk his own safety or simply stay behind and watch to save his own skin. He chose the latter.

"Oh…. Then find me a wife and tell her I love h—"

And that was the last they heard from Natsu Dragneel.

When all the commotion settled down (somewhat), everyone resumed to their normal routines: hanging around the request board, taking far too many shots of alcohol…. The usual. More guild members began arriving, and the men began to notice a trend in the female population.

Many seemed to be incredibly irritable. Now, normally that wasn't much of a surprise, but even some of the nicest members were acting up, and it was almost as if there were twenty Erza's. But it wasn't until Gray asked Mirajane for something that they really began to worry.

"Yo, Mira, can I have a—"Gray began, taking a seat on the one of the barstools. Mirajane had her back turned to him, seeming to be drying a glass mug with a rag.

_"Whatever you want, get it yourself,"_

Gray froze. That voice…. It was definitely Mirajane, yet no one could deny the chilly feeling emanating from the normally bubbly barmaid. Demon Mirajane had awoken. She turned around, revealing…

The ice mage had nightmares for a month.

"Hey Gajeel, first Lucy, now Mirajane? Something's definitely wrong," Alzack said nervously, glancing worriedly at the girls.

"I'm pretty sure they're both—"But the iron dragon slayer was cut off yet again by a certain tiny bluenette.

Cheerful Levy McGarden skipped into the guild, and the boys breathed a sigh of relief that at least one of the women wasn't acting strange or scary. Her messy blue locks bounced with each step she took, as though laughing with her. Still, something seemed off to the dragon slayer.

The girl laughed and eased into a conversation with Cana, who handed her something that looked suspiciously like beer. Even though it was an unspoken rule not to accept anything from Cana, naïve Levy seemed to have forgotten, and enthusiastically drank it. And another. And another. Gajeel's super dragon slayer hearing picked up Cana chuckling under her breath, "Lightweight."

"Gajeeeeeelllll!" It was surprising how much a soft, sweet voice like Levy's could sound like a death sentence.

"S-Shrimp? W-What?" He exclaimed, looking paralyzed at the sight of the small, cute girl. He coughed, trying to recover his manliness. "I mean, what do you want?"

"What I want, Gajeel, is to give you a haircut!" She spat, in questionable rage. Her words slurred slightly and that was enough confirmation that she was indeed drunk.

Silence.

"Hell no," He hissed. He wasn't some whipped pansy that did everything 'his girl' asked him to, (*cough*Natsu *cough*) even if she was drunk out of her mind.

"Please?" Levy looked at him with those large, innocent eyes. Those eyes would be the end of him. He knew it.

Despite those goddamned eyes, he mustered up all of his manliness, closed his eyes, took a deep breath (which might have been his last), and uttered one small word,

"No."

Crap, did he really just say that?

A shadow crossed the girl's face, her expression unreadable. In a flash, she was on his back, holding a pair of gleaming scissors. He scrambled around trying to shake her off, all the while thinking about how nice it would have been if he had joined a different guild.

The women of Fairy Tail were freakin' insane.

"_I said, _I want to cut your hair, dammit!" She yelled, wrapping her skinny arm around his neck as she wrestled with him. For someone so petite, she was quite strong. The smell of alcohol invaded his nostrils and he wanted nothing more than to get the little devil away from him.

At this point, Jet and Droy had seen enough. They leapt into action, and began the arduous task of trying to stop their beloved Levy from strangling Gajeel. When they finally managed to pry her off his back and confiscate her scissors, they were shocked to find that their favorite innocent bluenette was _drunk._ And then she began _crying. _In fact, she began sobbing so hard that her body was wracked by hiccups.

Now, as most people know, a man's biggest weakness was a crying woman.

"I—Hic—Don't—Hic—Know why—Hic—I'm crying—Hic!" She bawled, burying her face in her hands.

"No—Wait!— Levy, please don't cry—We'll buy you a new book—Or—Or—" The other two members of Team Shadow Gear squeaked, unaccustomed to the solid script mage's tears.

Jet and Droy tried to calm her down, but to no avail, until Gajeel stepped up to the plate. He attempted to comfort her, albeit awkwardly, and to everyone's surprise, she stopped crying. She looked up at him once more, as if seeing him in a new light.

"Gajeel…."

"What?" The tension began to build up again.

"I want a hug,"

Grumbling, a couple of the other guild members handed Cana, who was one of the sane women in Fairy Tail (well, san_er_), wads of cash. Apparently, the guild had been betting on whether or not those two become an 'item', or if they would keep their 'just companions' act. So far, Cana was earning quite a lot of jewels.

"No," Gajeel replied shortly, without sparing her a glance. If you really looked closely, you could see a hint of a blush on his face.

If Gajeel let the tiny squirt hug him, it would ruin his image! He'd be known as 'Gajeel the Soft Guy' or 'Gajeel the Unicorn Lover' or something else mushy and stupid. He was the iron dragon slayer of the strongest guild in Fiore! 'Gajeel the Unicorn Lover'…. He would never live it down.

However, Levy decided that she would give Gajeel a hug no matter what. And so, a long chase ensued. Once again, Fairy Tail was filled with the screeches and cheers of its members as they watched the duo run around. In the end, Levy prevailed and squeezed the blushing iron dragon slayer with all her might, smiling happily the entire time.

But suddenly, a terrible shriek came from across the room.

"Why doesn't Gray-sama love Juvia?!" Juvia sobbed, beating her fists on the table that she was slumped on. "Gray-samaaaa!"

Gray (who was still shocked and traumatized by Mirajane) had gone home early, proclaiming that he wouldn't come back until the week was over. This had left the hormonal water-woman in a state of utter distress as she threw a large, whiny fit.

Just then, a fierce battle cry echoed from the other side of the guild hall. Erza had reequipped into her Heavens Wheel armor and was glowering at Mirajane. The normally gentle and sweet barmaid had reverted back to her demonic form, that form that had scared the daylights out of everyone in the old days.

"I said I wanted some strawberry cake! There's no need to be such a baby about it!" Erza thundered, as she raised her swords at the white haired lady.

"I told you to get it yourself! And you shouldn't eat that much cake anyway, you'll get fat. Oh wait, fat_ter!"_

"_That's it!"_

The women of Fairy Tail were beautiful. The women of Fairy Tail were strong. The women of Fairy Tail were passionate.

The women of Fairy Tail scared to shit out of everyone.

**Author's Note: Hi hiii! Sorry guys, I've been so lethargic latelyyyy! I needed something to keep my creative-train going, so I wrote this random fic. My friend and I were hanging out a couple days ago, and then we were wondering on a scale of 1 to 10 how scary Erza would be when she was….. When she was enduring the 'monthly monster'. We both agreed on 12. **

** Anyway, so this was a really random and awkward fic, but I hope you liked it! I think this is actually longer than my multi-chapter stories! XD Sorry, everyone! I'll keep updating! Thanks for reading!**


End file.
